A Retreat to Start Lent

Last weekend I attended a women's retreat in Pembroke with about forty other women. We hailed from the Greater Ottawa Area (if that's even a term!), the Ottawa Valley, and the Peterborough area. There were a few old friends there and I enjoyed spending time catching up. There were several women there whom I see on a regular basis, but with whom I spend little time, so over meals we had some time to share.

The retreat was a very peaceful experience for me. The pace was rather slow, which was fine with me since it seems that I spend a great deal of my life dashing here and there. After each talk - there were five from Friday evening to Sunday morning - there was time for sharing, praying, resting or knitting. Yes, I brought my knitting. It's like that old American Express commercial - "Never leave home without it." In fact, I knitted through all the talks and over the course of the weekend I finished two blanket squares.

The theme of the weekend was "God's Nurturing Presence". The presenters were from Madonna House in Combermere, one of my favourite places in the world. Seriously, this little community in the middle of pretty much nowhere, is an oasis of peace and truth for me. For the past four years Paul and I have been going there every few months for spiritual direction. In the course of our years of visits there, we have come to meet and know many "Madonna House friends".

The presenters for the retreat were Fr. David Linder, who spent a total of twelve years at Madonna House in Ghana, and Marie Thérèse McLaughlin, a laywoman who has spent the past 35 years in Combermere. They were both well-spoken, gentle souls who spoke from the heart. Marie Thérèse introduced the theme of the weekend with an overview of the topics for the weekend - the Trinity, Our Lady, the Eucharist, living in the present moment and beauty. The words that they shared were simple, yet profound - the kind of spirituality with which the simplest soul could identify. I don't deal particularly well with lofty profundities, so this was right up my alley.

I was introduced to a term that was new to me - perichoresis - a term from the early Church Fathers regarding the intimate relationship between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We are invited to be part of the dance. I came across this poem that I think embodies what Marie Thérèse was sharing.

Marie Thérèse gave a lovely talk about Our Lady and how we can grow in our relationship with her. Some of what she shared is in this article. She reminded us that when we walk with Our Lady, fears dissipate. Our Lady has the love and strength to be with us at the foot of the cross, just as she did when she was with her Son.

Fr. David gave a very practical talk on clearing the way in our lives for God's nurturing presence. By means of humility, the sacraments, and God's love (the Holy Spirit's bulldozers) the following boulders and rubble - blocks to receiving and living in God's nurturing presence - can be removed. They are a false notion of God, lies about ourselves, sin, disordered attachments, apathy, fear, and self-centredness. We need to protect God's life within us and get rid of whatever threatens that life.

Fr. David's second talk was about the Eucharist and how we need to move the Eucharist to the centre of our lives, however that might look depending on our state in life. This really confirmed what I had been thinking and feeling for the past few weeks. As part of my Lenten journey, I was feeling drawn to attend Holy Mass during the week. In fact, it was like a magnet drawing me. Fr. David encouraged us to seek our Beloved in the Eucharist. He also shared about asking the Lord for a specific healing each time we receive the Eucharist. He told us that the choices we make for love are Eucharistic choices, and that the Eucharist sustains our ability to love sacrificially, generously and wholly.

The last talk by Marie Thérèse was about abiding in the present moment. She drew our attention to four writers whose work expounded upon this topic - Brother Lawrence, Father Jean Pierre de Caussade, Blessed Dina Belanger and Servant of God Catherine Doherty. She shared that when we abide in the present moment, there is no fear. When we immerse ourselves in whatever we are doing, that is where our attention should be. We have to pray for faith so that we can live more fully in the present moment.

Finally, she shared ways in which the three persons of the Trinity are always revealing themselves to us and nurturing us. The Father uses beauty and illumination. The Son gives us His Body and Blood, and identifies with us in pain and suffering. The Holy Spirit breathes on us and gives us inspiration.

The retreat gave me lots of food for thought and was a wonderful way to start off this holy season of Lent. I only hope that I can carry the truths I heard over the weekend throughout this Lent and beyond.

Waiting and contemplation

The past several months have been a time of waiting. After two months of paperwork and preparation last summer and into September, we were approved to be foster parents, specifically for infants to preschoolers. There have been no referrals to the agency in which we are employed, and so we have been waiting. I have been reluctant to take on any big commitments or projects, just in case we get "the call". In the meantime, I have had a big inner struggle as to the significance of this time while we wait, especially my time during the day.

When the children were small and there was at least one child home during the day, I felt like my time and activities had meaning. There was always something to do - food to prepare, noses to wipe, laundry mountain to conquer, stories to read, and so on. Now that the daytime needs are much less, I am left to wonder "what am I doing here?"

It really hits me when I get the alumni newsletter from my alma mater. I was the valedictorian for my nursing graduating class, and had big plans for contributing to the health care system. I worked for a total of a year and a half before having kids, and never went back. In the meantime, former classmates, peers and friends have gone on to complete post-graduate studies, teach at universities, work at interesting jobs, and travel to exotic places. And yet, none of that seemed to be God's call for my life as it unfolded. It seems that God has called me to a more ordinary, hidden, somewhat monotonous life, that occasional sees something of interest appear. I'm not complaining, it's just the way it is.

As I have on many occasions, I shared my thoughts with Paul on this the other day, and this morning he handed me a little book that he has been reading called "The Jesus Prayer" by Mother Maria, an Orthodox nun. He opened it to the following, and I knew what the answer to my pondering was.

“And here we touch on a genuine Benedictine principle for the monastic training, which is to create a frame of life as monotonous as possible in order to bring as many things as possible within the sphere of habit, where they may become second nature and need no further thought, so that the mind is set free for the steady, alert attention to God.

But the monotony of the Benedictine routine and the monotony of the Jesus Prayer rhythm have also another purpose. They help to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where the sense and imagination no longer seek for outward change or stimulation, where all is subordinated to the one aim of centring the whole attention of body and soul upon God, in the sense that the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world.

This initial sacrifice of the world in its rich variety, in order to attend upon God alone, is a step taken in faith into the desert of complete monotony. We deliberately renounce any possibility of breaking that monotony, and leave everything in the hands of God; if he choose, the desert may flower, if he does not choose, then we will endure without seeking relief elsewhere. This is the first step asked of everyone who takes up the Jesus Prayer. It is the same demand which is asked of every contemplative.

This sacrifice, however, reveals itself as the gateway to joy, for it is answered by a growing awareness of the presence of Christ. This is natural, for he promised that he would make his abode with us. It is not, therefore, for him to come, but for us to discover his presence by taking our eyes off the outside world and by attending to the divine presence. And the world within, that awaits our discovery, will soon absorb all our faculties and attract our whole attention.”

Yesterday I was reading an article about boredom - yes, boredom - to try to understand more this inner struggle. The authors had this to say...

"Turn boredom into prayerful waiting...Develop a contemplative lifestyle. Get into the meaning of what you are doing. Attend to people, things and situations in a more complete way that includes their aesthetic and spiritual meaning." - from "The Complete Book of Everyday Christianity"

There was much more in the article, but those were the lines that spoke to me. And so, as I wait, I will try to make the most of this time, not striving to get things done, but taking time to think, be still, pray. This is a very great gift that I have been given. It is up to me whether I treat it as such.

Busy with knitting

I started this blog a few weeks ago with good intentions of posting fairly regularly. Well, it's been a busy few weeks, filled with all kinds of activity except blogging.

After the earthquake in Haiti happened, I was thinking about what I could do to help. A day or two after my last post here, I googled "Blankets for Haiti" and came across a blogger who has a friend going on a mission trip to Haiti and the Domnican Republic in the end of March. This trip was planned long before the earthquake. She asked her friend if people could send handmade blankets along with them on their trip, and the friend enthusiastically agreed. And so began a flurry of blanket-making here the last few weeks.

It is a great blessing to be able to help with my hands, to hopefully bring some joy and comfort to a suffering child through knitting or crocheting something soft. I'm nearly done the current one, and then they will all go in the mail next week. I also have a big pile of squares and samples that I am sending to another knitter who is assembling squares from all over North America to make blankets for the people of Haiti.

The blanket above was actually knit as a class sample for a night school class that I was supposed to teach, but which was canceled due to low enrolment. I felt inspired to send this blanket along.

This blanket was knitted a couple of years ago as a sample that went in a knitting magazine to which I contribute. I had been waiting to find a good place to send it, and when this opportunity came along, it seemed just right.

I have to keep my hands busy, so when I'm not doing anything else, I'm knitting. It has been a great source of creative expression, as well as a wonderful way to "chill" during the day. The other day we were having a conversation around the dinner table, and Bethany commented that knitting is like breathing for me. What a great gift that God has given me.

I have had people tell me that they don't have the patience to knit. I don't find that it takes patience, though it does take the ability and/or willingness to still yourself long enough to get something done. I don't often sit and knit in long sessions, but in bits of time throughout the day. I started doing it that way years ago when the children were small, even knitting while they were (safely) in the bathtub. It's amazing how those bits of time have added up over the years, and I have something to show for it.

So, now and then I'll show a bit of my knitting here, when there's something worth posting. I just thought I'd put it here for today, since that's what has been filling my time as of late.